DAY 4: Still nothing has happened. Tea break imminent. EXCITEMENT: Someone hit the ball slightly hard! EXPERT ANALYSIS: "It is what it is" says former player

🏏 Cricket: Because 90 Minutes Is For Amateurs

Five days. Two innings. Unlimited tea. One result (maybe).

🫖 Latest From The Pavilion

Cricket match where nothing is happening
TEST MATCH EXCITEMENT

Incredible Scenes As Something Actually Happens On Day 3

In what experts are calling "the most dramatic moment in cricket since the invention of the tea break," a batsman was dismissed on day 3 of the ongoing test match. The crowd of 12 people (mostly groundskeepers and pigeons) erupted in polite applause.

"I was actually awake for that one," said spectator Gerald Morningside, 73, who has been at the ground since day 1. "The other 47 overs were a bit slow, but that wicket made it all worthwhile. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to update my will."

Posted during tea interval (the third one today)
📊🤯 Scoreboard operator pictured having existential crisis
SCORING MYSTERIES

Cricket Scoring System Declared "Too Complex For Human Brains" By Scientists

Researchers at MIT have confirmed that cricket scoring makes quantum physics look like basic arithmetic. "You have runs, wickets, overs, extras, boundaries, ducks, golden ducks, diamonds, and something called a 'silly mid-off,'" said Dr. Reasonable. "We've run it through our supercomputers and they just started smoking and playing the Benny Hill theme."

Posted while trying to calculate the run rate
Rain saving England from defeat
WEATHER REPORT

Rain Arrives On Schedule To Save England From Certain Defeat

In a turn of events that surprised absolutely nobody, rain has arrived on day 5 to ensure England avoid losing yet another test match. "It's a tactical masterstroke by the weather gods," said captain Joe Root, looking visibly relieved. "We were only 400 runs behind with 2 wickets left. Totally winnable."

Posted from under a tarpaulin

📚 Cricket For Confused Americans (And Everyone Else)

"So What IS Cricket?"

Imagine baseball, but:

  • It takes 5 days instead of 3 hours
  • Everyone wears white like they're at a wedding
  • They stop for tea. Twice. Per day.
  • The ball bounces before you hit it (most of the time)
  • There are 11 players per side but only 2 bat at once
  • Getting out is called "losing your wicket"
  • Scoring 0 is called "a duck" because... reasons
  • After all this, it might still be a draw

Still confused? Good. You're ready to be a cricket fan.