We legally have to have one of these. Here's our attempt at pretending we care about your data.
We collect some data. We try not to lose it. We definitely won't sell it to sketchy people (mainly because we don't know any). We use cookies but only the edible kind during our afternoon snack break. If you have concerns, please direct them to our data protection officer (the office plant named Gerald).
Last updated: Whenever we remembered this page existed (probably 2023)
We might collect your name, email, and IP address. Why? Because that's what websites do, apparently. We're not entirely sure what to do with it, but our web developer said it's "standard practice" so here we are.
How we use it: Mostly to figure out if anyone actually reads our articles. Spoiler: The data suggests "not many."
When we said we use cookies, we meant literal cookies. Chocolate chip, usually. Our office has a strict "one cookie per visitor" policy, though since we're a website and not a physical location, this is difficult to enforce.
Digital cookies: We think we have some of those too. They're probably for analytics or something. We clicked "accept all" on Google Analytics and haven't looked back.
The list: Nobody. We literally don't know how to export data from our website backend. Our technical director (Steve, who also makes the coffee) says something about "APIs" but his eyes glaze over when we ask for details.
Exceptions: If legally compelled by a court order, or if someone asks really nicely and brings doughnuts.
Our security measures include: A password that isn't "password123" (anymore), an SSL certificate we think is working, and the fact that our server is so obscure that hackers have never heard of us.
Physical security: Our server is located in Steve's mum's basement. She's very protective and makes excellent sandwiches.
To exercise any of these rights: Send a strongly worded email to privacy@unfit.live. Our automated system will reply with "We got your email" and then nothing will happen for 3-6 months.
We use the following cookies:
How to disable cookies: Go to your browser settings. Or just delete your browser. Start fresh. New identity. Move to a cabin in the woods. Live off the grid. The cookies can't find you there.
Your data stays in the UK because our server is physically located there and we're too cheap to pay for cloud hosting in other regions. If you're reading this from outside the UK, congratulations! Your data just traveled internationally through the magic of the internet.
Data Protection Officer: Gerald (the office plant)
Contact: gerald@unfit.live (goes to the same place as all our emails)
Office hours: Gerald is a plant, he's always "in"
Qualifications: 3 leaves, good at photosynthesis
We are compliant with: The GDPR (we think), the UK Data Protection Act (probably), and the universal law of "don't be a jerk." If you believe we've violated any regulations, please send a formal complaint to our legal department (Gary, who also drives for Uber).
Supervisory Authority: The Information Commissioner's Office
Our ICO registration number: We should probably get one of those.
Registered address: 123 Fake Street, Not Real City, Imaginary Postcode
Actual working location: Various coffee shops with good WiFi
This privacy policy was written after Googling "what is GDPR" and consuming approximately 4 cups of coffee. It may not be legally binding in any jurisdiction. Consult an actual lawyer before suing us. Or just don't sue us, we're broke.