🎾 Tennis: The Loudest Way To Hit a Ball Over a Net

Love means nothing in tennis. But grunting? Grunting means everything.

😤 Latest From The Baseline

ACOUSTIC ATROCITIES

Tennis Player's Grunt Registered On Richter Scale, Local Seismologists Alerted

Maria Sharapova's recent first-round match at Wimbledon had to be paused after her trademark scream registered 4.2 on the Richter scale. "We thought it was an earthquake," said Dr. Tremor of the British Geological Survey. "Turns out it was just a backhand."

The player defended her vocal style: "I'm not screaming, I'm just... expressing myself. Loudly. With my entire soul. While hitting a small yellow ball."

Posted at 110 decibels

🎾😡💥 Champion pictured wondering why rackets are so breakable

EQUIPMENT ABUSE

Novak Djokovic Breaks Racket, Laws of Physics, Several Records For Most Rackets Broken

In a display of athleticism that definitely wasn't just anger management issues, Djokovic destroyed his 47th racket of the season after missing a volley. "These rackets are too fragile," he explained to a chair umpire who was clearly fearing for his life. "They should make them out of adamantium or my sheer willpower."

Posted before the next racket broke

👗⚠️ Fashion police on high alert for cream instead of white

DRESS CODE DRAMA

Wimbledon Umpire Has Meltdown Over Player Wearing Slightly Off-White Underwear

The All England Club is in crisis after a player was spotted wearing underwear that was "eggshell" rather than the mandated "pure white." "This is anarchy," cried one traditionalist, clutching his pearls and his Pimm's. "Next they'll want to play in... COLOURS."

Posted from the fashion police headquarters

💕🎾 Two players who definitely don't hate each other

RIVALRIES

"We Have Great Respect For Each Other" Say Players Who Clearly Want To Fight

In a post-match interview that required industrial levels of eye-rolling to watch, two rival tennis players insisted they have "great respect" for each other despite spending 3 hours trying to make the other one cry. Body language experts confirm they were actually communicating via telepathy: "I hope your strings snap."

Posted through gritted teeth

📢 Current Grunting Standings

Rank	Player	Decibels (Avg)	Signature Sound	Dogs Within 5 Miles Alerted
1	Maria Sharapova	101 dB	"AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!"	All of them
2	Rafael Nadal	95 dB	"HUUUUNNGGGGHHH!!"	Most of them
3	Victoria Azarenka	92 dB	"WOOOOPPPPPP!!"	Several
27	Roger Federer	12 dB	polite tennis noises	0 (classy)